Why Do Some Regrets Endure More Than Others?
What Type of Regret Lasts a Lifetime?
Our most enduring regrets are the ones that stem from our failure to live up to our ideal selves, according to research study from Cornell University. People are haunted more by regrets about failing to fulfill their hopes, goals and aspirations than they are about failing to fulfill their duties, obligations and responsibilities.
Three elements make up a person's sense of self:
- Actual Self ~ Attributes a person believes they possess
- Ideal Self ~ Attributes they would ideally like to possess, such as hopes, goals, aspirations or wishes
- Ought Self ~ Is the person they feel they should have been based on duties, obligations and responsibilities
Why do failures to fulfill our ideal selves spark such enduring regret?
It’s about expectations.
What is it about our ideal selves?
The ideal-related self is more general like being a good parent, an effective mentor, a good friend. There aren’t clear guidelines and we are in situations where we feel we can always do more.
It Takes More Courage to Fulfill Our Expectations of Our Ideal Selves
~ perhaps that’s why when we don’t fulfill them our regrets are greater and stay with us longer.
It takes more courage, more of ourselves to act if guidelines aren’t well defined. It’s more personal. It’s more risky, we put ourselves out there without knowing the outcome. There’s no rule book for parenting. We often fly by the seat of our pants and hope for the best.
This Cornell University research has practical implications. Lots of us believe we need inspiration before we strive to achieve our ideal selves. According to this article this isn’t reality. Waiting for inspiration can be an excuse not to take action. Inspiration actually comes from doing! In the words of the Nike slogan….”Just do it!”
This study suggests that when we live our lives in pursuit of our ideal selves ( fulfilling our hopes, dreams and aspirations) as opposed to trying to live up to our ought selves ( which may be more about living the way we believe others want us to live) we are on the path to effective, authentic action.
When we achieve goals related to our ideal selves, we feel pleasure. When we achieve goals related to our ought self, we feel relief.
So why are most people afraid what people with think?
People fail to achieve their ideal goals because they're worried about what others think. Here we are in the digital era and learning how to succeed in it makes sense. So why are most people afraid what people with think? Is it because most people aren’t taking advantage of business opportunities online? Learning how to navigate the online world to earn income is the prudent thing to do in this digital era.
What a Business Opportunity!
Just think about the people you have in your life, who do you know who are earning income online? Worry about what people think? What a business opportunity! Think of all the people out there who will eventually have the light go on. The digital world is where its at!
Inspiration comes from doing. It comes down to those three little words ~ Just do it!
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Adrienne and Bob